What Happens when You Let Go of Old Hurt… (& some simple steps to help let go)

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship my sophomore year of college.

I was always that person who didn’t understand why people stayed in abusive partnerships. I always asked, “well, if it is so bad, why stay?” I never thought I would have ended up in the situation that I did. Now, of course I realize this was an incredible lesson to learn although horrible to experience during.

This relationship, throughout and after I finally mustered the courage to break ties with him, left me confused, self loathing, and spiritually broken. Three years ago I convinced myself that I had made amends with the situation. Forgiving him even though I was the one deserving of an apology. That right there though.. the statement I just made stating I “deserved” an apology, is exactly the mindset with which caused the memories of this relationship to remain dormant within my subconscious. Although in some instances, I was a “victim”, I was still subconsciously choosing to act like a victim after the ties were broken. And because of this victim-tie, I allowed him to take the biggest blow of all, my self worth.

This relationship not only confused me due to the abusive qualities, but it confused me because I wasn’t in love with him. I didn’t even very much like him when we initially started dating, at least not more than a friend. I was lonely and learning lessons as any new-to-college individual is, and the mere fact that someone seemed so genuinely interested in spending time with me seemed pretty cool. This of course was my own wounded self-worth’s facade working its magic. I rationalized that his interest for me must be the beginning stages of love and loyalty. This thought process is something I never thought I would find myself in. It comes from (personally) growing up in a broken home. I was programmed to think, because I was the female, my self worth was determined by male attention. (It’s hard for me to even say that out loud because I never thought that’s what I was thinking… but looking back, that’s exactly what was going on.)

I would go to class and be bombarded with text messages wondering where I was. I would return to my apartment to find him waiting for me; sometimes it was to hang out and never leave my side, and sometimes it was so he could yell at me for whatever I had failed to not realize I needed to do for him. A few times I would “venture” to the library (like an undercover mission) to study. I wouldn’t respond to his texts and would be bombarded with threatening texts and calls accusing me of cheating (or something within this ballpark.) It’s so obviously ridiculous, especially when I reflect back on things. But genuinely, I was afraid of him. I didn’t leave because I was afraid he would somehow ruin my life… when in reality, his actions were allowing me to ruin my own life and take my own shine away from me.

I remember putting together a dance party for my 20th birthday. I crushed the party planning man. That party ended up so fun. Everyone was joyous, it was over capacity. I was finally feeling extremely proud of my capabilities again. My boyfriend was one of the dj’s (which I like to have fun doing as well) so, I took over a set for a bit. Every 2 seconds I was bombarded with threatening whispers that I was doing things wrong, that I was taking the spotlight away from him. At that point I didn’t care. I wanted to have fun and I was. Finally, I cleaned up the venue by myself that night. My boyfriend made it a point for me to know that I had screwed him over so badly that he was leaving. At that point, although probably seeming super sad from an outsider’s perspective, I didn’t mind cleaning it all by myself. It was the first time in 6 months that he was finally not chasing me.

Slowly and steadily I regained bits of strength and self-worth back. I knew I was going to break up with him, it was just finding the time and place…. (By the way, “finding the right time and place” is a cop-out… it’s fear trying to steer you away from your true goal(s)) & thank god for divine conspiracies because, not many days after my party, we went out to lunch and that’s when the breakup occurred. At lunch we shared some sushi and my personal entree came with 2 small donuts. I ate both of the donuts without offering him one. He then proceeded to call me a bitch, throw his chair down, and storm out the restaurant. To say I wasn’t dying laughing at this point would be a lie. Oh, and of course I finished my meal before I went to deal with that. It was finally my time to get what I needed. We got back into the car and I ended it then and there.

I didn’t mean to go into a whole narrative, but I did want to share a brief synopsis of my experience in the hopes that, if you or others are dealing with a similar or worse situation and don’t know what to do, you can at least know you’re not alone. This is something I haven’t told to but a few people and I finally want to release the narrative for good. Don’t get me wrong, I have accepted this experience and moved past it years ago, however, I didn’t realize until recently that I didn’t release it. I still held on to this narrative as a defining factor of who I am… Yes, this experience happened to me and I learned lessons, but it doesn’t define me or change who I am or was as an individual.

**A couple days ago, this ex actually reached out to me with that apology. (At this point, I almost hate to put everything on the table, but we both know our truths.) At first I remember my inner dialog being something like, “oh, don’t even worry dude it’s been years…” yet something made me feel like I had been stripped of an energy I didn’t even know I still carried. Like an old-worn out teddy bear that you always wonder why you still keep.. & that’s when I realized that I appreciated his words. It was the 2nd to last release (this now being the official send off: in the hopes this helps others) and I knew I believed his apology and that we all grow and learn. I was, and am, genuinely happy to hear that he is on a much more positive path and I wish him all the best 🙂

If you’ve experienced something traumatic or wounding (this can be anything and also can be physically or mentally wounding) I want to give a bit of advice for those of you who are ready (or at least think they’re ready) to release their pain:

-Begin meditating with your eyes closed as to present the wound in a relaxed manner.

-Release your victim-ness mentality and (OUT LOUD) present yourself an affirmation of self love and kindness. An example if you’re unsure, “I am not and have never been a victim but a divine spirit who’s goodness was almost taken. I am kind, deserving of love and happiness, and I now present myself to a more-positive and happy world where my soul knows no limitations.”

-Forgive the individual or event that wounded you and pray that you wish for peace and healing to envelope them. (Because people don’t hurt others unless they themselves are hurting)

-Remind yourself that this event was not your fault and say thanks/give gratitude for your current day and life. (I would say everything out loud by the way!!)

**Listen, I know that affirmations, meditation, etc. sometimes come off as “cheesy” methods of self-care. I was one of those people who stubbornly thought didn’t need to meditate or give thanks for every day… well guess what, I’m going to make this easier for you now. Just do it. It is actually extremely helpful no matter whether you are a seasoned practitioner of meditation or you’ve never tried it in your life. Stop being so hard on yourself and allow yourself to live the life you have always been destined to live.

Much love y’all!

Flip ❤

Why I Show Products on Instagram

I get a lot of random people in the DMs going off on tangents about how I “advertise too much.” I put that in quotes because that is the literal statement not because I am being sassy or deflecting. In fact, I probably do advertise too much and If you are someone who follows me on the gram, I feel an obligation to explain why I do so and why I pick certain products.

I get it, everyone wants you to buy things all the time. I get frustrated too and, as a fashion designer, I’ve struggled with balancing the emotions tied with advertising. I’ve come to a spot where, when I do showcase product, I only do so if I truly believe in what I’m showing. The products I show are by/from individual artists and designers that I know and trust. Having a company of my own, I design original artwork that gets put on clothing and of course I would love for you guys to see it (KBF Clothing.) I have just recently become a spokesperson for Chilli Beans sunglasses after having met and forming a friendship with the USA representative, so that’s why you see a lot of AMAZING shades. I also showcase swimwear because I lucked the fuck out and my roommate gets free samples that she then gives to me…

I know I don’t need to explain myself, however, as an artist trying to make a living and as someone who knows other artists trying to do the same, I want to show you the artists that I think are doing a great job. From there, it’s up to you if you buy something. I’m not forcing something down your throat.. & hey, if you really hate it, I guess that’s what that unfollow button is for 😉

Relapse

So before I go and scare all of y’all with this title like I had a drug relapse or something… (I didn’t) I had to name this post as such because I crack myself up. It’s always hard for me to keep up with things. & that’s not because I’m not thinking about keeping up with something, or that I became irresponsible. I get like this because every day I feel like I have grown in some way. Grown spiritually. I am “relapsing” back to this blog, not to curate some perfectly thought-out accolade to my every day human achievements (this is a joke. We obviously live in a world where very low-grade things get praised) but a place for me to actually just… be. Feel. Think. Speak. Write.

I have my strengths and my weaknesses and I will no longer sit and craft a blog of my facade. My own personal illusion. It doesn’t serve anyone especially my self and I believe my purpose in the world has everything to do with helping people, not perpetuating ideals that could be harmful. I’m me. That’s all I’ll ever be. This is obvious. This sentiment seems like it would be dancing in front of our faces… but it gets lost. It gets pushed away by illusions and dishonesty. It gets pushed away by fear. Fear that being yourself isn’t good enough. Fear that you may never succeed or make a mark on this world. Guess what… I’ve been unknowingly succumbing to fear for awhile now and I’m not going to say that fear doesn’t try to present itself to me every day. It has been, maybe, only since December that I have felt my own personal shift. I no longer allow fear to dictate my path, my decisions, my future. This doesn’t mean that I do not have to put in work, meditation, affirmations, and feelings of gratitude on the daily. (This is a great thing to do, in general, by the way 💜) I do, however, feel more in tune with my own thoughts and genuine disposition. I can’t even begin to explain how amazing that feels.

You know what’s funny about fear? The minute you decide to place fear on mute is the minute life becomes fun, simple, harmonious, and joyful. People who shouldn’t be in your life fade away whilst those meant for you present themselves. You become healthier, you become less impulsive. You value yourself, your opinions, and your word. Honesty is something so simple to do.. yet when fear lives with you, it taints your perception and makes you believe lying to be easier. Honesty is the simplest and most pure way of allowing what you want in your life to present itself. If someone doesn’t appreciate your honesty, shuns you for your honesty, or guilts your honesty and truth… it is, firstly, a reflection of that individual’s own insecurities, and secondly, merely a solidification to remove that negativity from your life. I’m not saying that others do not have anything valuable to tell you, you should 100% listen. However, it is up to you to digest the material and reflect on it in a way that serves you positively. If you do not think the other person’s words hold value to you, admit kindness. Say thank you for that person’s opinion and then express how you disagree. I’m going to tell you right here and now that everyone holds value and you should never share hostility with anyone. All that showcases is an inability to listen. Also, I’m not promoting ghosting people. I think ghosting has its time and place, especially if danger presents itself, however, there’s nothing that is too complicated that can not be worked out through words, kindness, and meditation.

I’m writing this self-reflection as a hopeful gateway towards positivity to those who read it. I know it seems daunting to progress and get rid of things that no longer hold positivity in your life. But know that, once accomplished, your feelings of self-gratitude will shower you. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling, however, my hope is that you will take the leap of faith and experience it yourself. & for those of you scared to face these demons due to a fear of “being alone” or “losing something/someone,” does it make you feel better for me to let you know that you can always come to me even if you do not know me yet. This blog is my safe space & so I would love for you to feel safe here as well.

Much love and lil Jon,

Flip ❤

Teen Vogue Summit

Wow.

These past few days have been life-changing. & no, not the kind of life-changing that Kourtney Kardashian speaks of when eating a kit-kat bar… Truly life altering days where I felt incredibly grounded and alive.

I had the pleasure of attending the first Teen Vogue Summit. There, I was able to meet some of the most amazing women of all ages, sizes, ethnicities and backgrounds. Every moment of the summit was enveloped in positive energy, love, and light. It was basically a celebration of life and living as our truest and highest form of self.

Friday’s event was held at the Toms Headquarters in West LA.. um, yes Blake, if you read this, I would not be opposed to working for you.. okay thxx !! ❤ But anyway, Teen Vogue and Toms catered an incredible breakfast, for all of the attendees, which included an assortment of juices, muffins, fruit, and granola. Everything my little bougie ass could ever desire.

Friday focused on 6 different “tracks” to choose from; I chose Track #5: Girlboss. This track seemed to be most personally fitting due to current factors in my life (I guess if you follow me you’ll find out sooner than later!). I wanted to consume every bit of information available. Stops included: United Talent Agency, Girlboss, & Clique Management. All three stops were informative and inspiring sessions filled with business information, how to be a woman in business whilst maintaining a voice and power, and how you can use your business to change the world.

We began our day visiting United Talent Agency where we were introduced to Olivia Jade, a Beauty and Fashion YouTuber, who also happens to be Lori Loughlin’s daughter. Olivia is only 18 years old and absolutely impressive. She spoke with such eloquence and professional cadence that I was genuinely shocked she was still in high-school. (I personally remember being enamored with my prom dress much less thinking about sustaining a multi-million dollar brand and YouTube channel.)

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Our second stop was to Sophia Amoruso’s new business project, “Girlboss.” This was a particularly personal experience for me because, as a high-school student, I was obsessed with Nasty Gal… I mean, obsessed. This was circa 2009-2011 and I found Nasty Gal to be the edgy, trendy, and fierce collection of clothing I had always dreamed of finding whilst living in my very preppy, Lilly Pulitzer friendly town. As a high-school student who first planned a career in Marine Biology, Nasty Gal, and more specifically it’s founder Sophia Amoruso, changed the path of my life forever. I began to become so obsessed and curious with fashion and self-expression that I ultimately changed my mind about my future and attended an art college as opposed to one with a Marine Biology program. Having the opportunity to, not only meet Sophia, but to ask her business and career advice while I’m in the preliminary stages of starting my business, felt like I was coming full-circle.

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Lastly, we visited Clique Media Group…. Hello Dream Office !!! (I’m so sad I didn’t get worthy photos. My phone had water damage this day and by the end of the Track my camera’s card was full… go figure). Personally having zero knowledge about the media group (shameful, I know) I was taken aback by what I saw. Young creators collaborating with each other while their absolutely badass FEMALE bosses are creating an empire… & I mean that almost literally. Katherine Power and Hillary Kerr are previous Elle Girl employees that saw an opportunity in the digital space, quit their jobs and took a chance at their own company. The amount of growth their company has seen within the last ten years is absolutely incredible and something I would have previously believed to be impossible to achieve in that amount of time.

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Okay… so, you can KIND OF get a glimpse of what this SERIOUS view was all about. Damn, I feel like I have a UFO photo for you guys… like the photo is up to interpretation for the viewer… & I call myself a blogger………

As we returned to Toms, we begin to seat ourselves for more discussions featuring amazing women. Teen Vogue now assembles a group of young women, the “21 Under 21 List” and at the summit, the 2018 girls were announced to us first. (I’m not sure of the exact date that this list is officially released but keep your eyes open for these incredible girls). Honestly, words cannot describe the moment that all of these brilliant, & world-changing (literally world-changing) girls began to speak of their accomplishments and further goals for the future. To say the least, this moment was an extreme wake-up-call. A wake-up-call to stop judging myself for every little thing. A wake-up-call to take a step back, breath, and speak with intention. A wake-up-call to stop giving my power away because I’ve filled myself with self-doubt, worry, or any other negative thought. Never have I seen so many young women that were so self-assured and unapologetic for being themselves. It made me proud, happy, and hopeful for the future; the opposite feeling of dread that has accompanied America’s current socio-political climate. I 100% cried hearing them all speak… however, I cried (very happy tears) throughout the entire summit. Life of an empath they say.

*I’ll be posting more about the summit including a write-up about day 2! Day 2 includes a discussion with Hillary Clinton and Yara Shahidi, Ava Duverney, + so much more!*

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Veil

Did you guys know that we’re living through the Age of Aquarius? The veil is being lifted and illusions are dissolving right before our eyes. This age started on 11/11/11 and has slowly been showcasing evil and insincerity…  It’s a turbulent time, however, I don’t know about you… but it’s becoming to feel beautiful.

We are experiencing the procession of Ages during the Age of Aquarius. Everyone with a strong light level and/or the desire for an open heart is awakening to spiritual initiation, which concerns the elevation of the human form and tendencies to a higher level with an entirely different set of perceptions of life. The difference in perception comes through as an entirely new set of values. We lean toward kindness, but have boundaries while recognizing the limitation of judgment and old beliefs. We prefer light to darkness, and we learn how to engage the light within our inner and outer beings while learning to create a life that reflects these values.

If you aren’t already feeling the shift, and aligning with your truest form, I want to encourage you to feel free. Please be proud to be you and be kind to others for being their true selves. I’ve never understood why society becomes so distraught with those who possess self-love. (I guess it’s because those certain individuals feel that they can no longer control others.) I know, in the past, I am extremely guilty of telling myself I am not worthy of goodness, happiness and love… & I definitely still catch myself from time to time. Let’s acknowledge when we do this and PLEASE put a stop to this behavior.

Today, (like the majority of other days), my truest self felt inspired by children of the corn. I’m serving you ~Isaac Realness~.

Ice Cream for the Soul

 

 

Okay… so a lot has happened since these photos were taken…

Firstly, I chopped off my locks.. So, I don’t even look like this anymore. I also was suffering from feeling as though my 9-5 job was killing me. What did I do? I quit. With no 2-week notice… I have never done this before and usually would condone this type of decision. So what do you do when your toxic work environment is slowly killing your soul and happiness? Like an abusive relationship.. I had to cut and run.. & I don’t feel bad at all.

At work, my boss would talk behind different employees backs.. to me.. and expect me to talk shit and be catty. So, I can already anticipate the comments that will be made about me tomorrow morning. I’m sure a comment about how awful millennials are will be soon to follow.

I just want others to know that this type of behavior, or feeling of guilt, about leaving something to pursue your own happiness, IS NOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD FEEL GUILTY ABOUT. We’ve been conditioned to believe we owe people things. And NO, I am not saying that everyone (regardless if they do you wrong or right) doesn’t deserve your truth, honesty, and kindness. “Kill them with Kindness” is 100% still relevant . Just be kind and know your truth.

**If you have any questions for me about whether you’re thinking of quitting a job you hate.. you can DM on my instagram @its_flip.

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**TIP** Los Angeles residents. Little Damage downtown LA has bomb ice-cream. Thank me later.

The Wall

I work a 9-5 job. I go home and watch Hulu or Netflix. I hug my dog goodnight. I repeat…. I have hit a wall. I woke up & realized I wasn’t living. My life revolved around work.. which yes, I enjoy a lot being that I”m a workaholic.. but I wanted to spin. & dance. I wanted to wear bright colors and I didn’t care if they matched. Working so much is not worth it if excitement is never sprinkled into the equation.

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Enter ~I’ve been fighting a terrible cold.. so lots of spinning and dancing was fun.. but modeling the “asleep” look was definitely a personal favorite~

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I’ll briefly share why this site exists:

Our current state of the country is volatile – to say the least… & although I don’t want to dive straight there, I do want to say that I won’t ignore things.  I want to wake up and feel like I’m utilizing my time for a sort of good. & if self-care is the lowest positive that can come out of this site, then I will still be doing a service to myself. However, I don’t want this to just be about me and what I like to wear and do on the weekends whilst I live in a mental la-la-land vacant of all things bad & horrible (okay, yeah that really doesn’t sound bad)….  I want to collaborate, learn, be creative and be free with and from other individuals.

Although this site begins as a style blog where I will be selling pieces, garments, and artwork of mine to make money for charity, (each month, I am hoping to serve a different cause), it also includes a dedicated portion to health & happiness as well as information on “the latest.” (Books, Podcasts, Journalism, & Research that feels relative and necessary to share whether it be for fun or more serious). A shop is on its way so that you can, not only shop any garments I may have showcased in a post but also future artist collaborations and/or recommendations.

I’ve tried to start this site… many times… but it never felt right until now. I’m sure I’m going to make a lot of mistakes & I’m not scared to make them anymore. I no longer care if people see my vulnerability or weakness, I just want to be raw. Everything is bottled up in a rose-colored package. The perfect influencer tells you to buy the perfect product.. & hell yes, there’s no shame in that… I just am itching for something different. To hear that a product may, just in fact, be shit! Anyways… please make this site a collaborative space. I am always looking for submissions & suggestions. (You may e-mail me at its_flip@outlook.com or click the available “Contact” page under “Menu“).

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Swimwear: Donna Karen // Looney Tunes Jacket: Belonged to my Dad // Pant+Skirt: Shein